Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"
Client: "After hearing your argument in court this morning, I'm beginning to think I didn't."

YOU NEED A NEW LAWYER WHEN...

• 01During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
• 02He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
• 03When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
• 04He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
• 05During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
• 06He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
• 07A prison guard is shaving your head.
• 08Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
• 09He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
• 10He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
• 11He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."
• 12He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
• 13Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
• 14Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
• 15The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
• 16Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
• 17He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM PITTSURGH WHEN......

• 01You walk carefully when it is "slippy" outside.
• 02You often go down to the "crick"
• 03You have to "red up" before company comes over
• 04You've ever gotten hurt by falling into a "jaggerbush"
• 05You know that Ahia is a river, a boulevard, and a state.
• 06You've ever "warched" or "wershed" the laundry.
• 07You know where Beer Falls is.(beaver falls)
• 08Mr Webster is wrong. You know full well that "ain't" is correct English.
• 09You know you can't drive too fast of back roads, cause-udda-deer.
• 10"Gumbands" .... need i say more?
• 11You've ever drank and "arn"
• 12You've ever told someone to "quit jaggin around"
• 13You know that Clinton, Monaca, and Beaver, are actually names of towns.
• 14You've called someone a "jaggoff".
• 15You hear you guyses" or "yins" and don't look twice.
• 16You know the 3 rivers by name and can pronounce them correctly, but refer to the as ... da Mon, da Al, and da O.
• 17You hate Cleveland although you've never been there.
• 18You know where KerNEGgy is and you like his museum and "liberries".
• 19You drink "pop", eat "hogies" "pierogies" and "gyros"(jy-rows).
• 20You drink Melk.
• 21You didn't have IHOPS or wafflehouses
• 22You know what a still mill is
• 23You cheer for the stillers
• 24You expect temps in the winter to be record breaking cold and temps in the summer to record breaking hot.
• 25You go dahntahn to da strip district and take your wife with you. Be sure to get a Permanee's sammich while yins are der hangin out an 'nat.
• 26You know where Picksburgh is
• 27You can find Zillionopal of a map
• 28You go food shoppin at Jine Iggle
• 29You don't have a spring break in high school
• 30You beleive that "Ize" is the abreviation for " I was"
• 31You know some one from "Sliberty , Esliberty or Wesliberty.
• 32You've played witha dekkacards
• 33You know the picksburgh zoo is in "Hilinpark" and have been there for school field trips.
• 34You say "Mc Connells Mills" although you know that there is only one mill there
• 35You know what is meant by "the POINT"
• 36You love Pensivanya
• 37Chipped ham was always in your fridge when you were growing up
• 38If you've ever been "ascared" because that "nebby" old lady across the street saw you do something bad and you know she will " tell on you"
• 39No matter how hard you try you can't stop talking Picksburghese.
• 40You are reading this and will forward it to family and friends who used to live in "da-burgh"

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